


Nocturnal Admissions

by Sharpeslass



Series: Helping Hands [1]
Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-07
Updated: 2011-08-07
Packaged: 2017-10-22 08:53:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/236298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharpeslass/pseuds/Sharpeslass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hakkai gets some unasked-for guidance from Gojyo on the subject of self-gratification. (Thanks, as usual, to <a href="http://jedishampoo.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://jedishampoo.livejournal.com/"><b>jedishampoo</b></a> for the beta and continued support!)<br/>This was my first ever 585 story, first posted to my LJ in 2008.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nocturnal Admissions

**Nocturnal Admissions**

Gojyo lay in the moonlit room and listened to Hakkai jerk himself off... or at least try to jerk himself off. It didn’t seem to be going well. It never did. The sounds his friend was making were more those of frustration than of any kind of pleasure. In the years Gojyo had shared close quarters with the man, he didn’t think he’d once been present when Hakkai had achieved anything like success at the effort.

Not that Gojyo listened. Not that he listened on purpose, anyway. But, really, how was he supposed to avoid hearing it? Since he couldn’t avoid the hearing, he tended to hope for the best, to provide Hakkai with silent, secret support. Hell, he felt sorry for the guy. He felt another pang of that familiar pity as Hakkai let out a low hiss and shifted violently in his bed. He was clearly calling it quits for the night. The subsequent whimpered sigh sounded like something close to despair.

“You need some help over there?” Had he just said that out loud? _Fuck, how much had he had to drink at dinner?_ In the long, stretched out moments of silence that followed he had time to almost panic over how his question must have sounded. Great, now Hakkai was going to think he was hitting on him. Gay, and hitting on him. And he wasn’t either one of those things, though he had to wonder himself what kind of assistance he’d been hoping to offer. After an eternity, Hakkai spoke. To Gojyo’s immense relief, his tone, while containing some irritation, was most definitely un-freaked out.

“I’d prefer to deal with this on my own, if you don’t mind, Gojyo.”

“You don’t seem to be having much luck,” Gojyo observed.

“Quite frankly, I’m not,” Hakkai’s voice was resigned. “I never do.”

“Yeah, I know,” Gojyo admitted, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and reaching for the cigarettes on his nightstand. The room spun slightly, and then steadied. He waited out another epic stretch of silence.

“You’ve been listening to me do this for how long, exactly?” Hakkai inquired. Gojyo watched him in the dim moonlight. He was lying on his back, unmoving, one arm flung over his face. Gojyo couldn’t see his expression, but his voice was pained.

“Dunno,” Gojyo shrugged lighting his cigarette and feeling his head begin to clear. “For a while. Since just after you moved in with me, I guess.”

Hakkai laughed and the sound was humorless even by his standards. “That’s rather embarrassing.”

“Don’t worry about it, man,” Gojyo forced his tone to casualness as he exhaled. “We’re both guys, right? I’m sure you’ve heard me going at it a few times.”

Silence. Silence. Silence.

“So what’s the problem anyway?” Gojyo rose and walked the long three feet to the other man’s bed, sitting down with a creak of bedsprings. “Why can’t you... you know?” He glanced sideways at Hakkai and concentrated on “casual.” Because this wasn’t that strange. This was just two buddies having a conversation about something, you know, fairly important to guys. Right?

Hakkai apparently didn’t think so. “Do we really have to discuss this?” he said as he shifted slightly, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. “I’ve always considered this a rather personal matter.”

“I just want to help,” Gojyo said, meaning it.

Hakkai sighed, drawing himself up into a sitting position, back resting against the wall. He pulled his pillow onto his lap and folded his hands on top of it. His hair was mussed and one half of the collar of his pajamas stood up at an odd angle. He looked very young and a little lost. At that moment, Gojyo decided, he looked like an immensely serious twelve-year-old.

Gojyo leaned forward attentively and waited for his friend to speak. Instead Hakkai coughed.

“Could you not blow the smoke _directly_ in my face, Gojyo?”

“Wha...? Oh, yeah. Sorry, man.” Gojyo stood and looked around for the ashtray, annoyed by the distraction.

“It’s under your left sock,” Hakkai offered patiently. Gojyo saw the tin ashtray poking out from under the discarded footwear in the corner of the room. _Left_ sock? he thought. There’s a left and a right sock? This was news to him, but also pretty much unimportant at the moment. He quickly ditched his cigarette butt and returned to the bed, sitting down again, this time facing Hakkai.

“Okay, so... whacking off,” he resumed. “Can’t do it, huh?” He tried to sound concerned and at the same time clinical, like a doctor – a doctor who was a friend and maybe a psychologist. He was rewarded with another pained look from Hakkai, who answered nevertheless.

“It’s not a physical problem,” he said slowly. “My body is willing... more than willing, really, or I wouldn’t even bother. I just keep running into walls in my mind.” Gojyo looked at Hakkai blankly. “I don’t know what to think about,” Hakkai explained with a weak smile.

“Tits and stuff?” suggested Gojyo. “That works for me.”

“Sometimes I wish I had your mind,” Hakkai laughed that hollow laugh again. “For some reason I need a few more details.”

“ _Big_ tits and stuff?”

“I need to _know_ something about the _person_ , Gojyo.” Hakkai clarified.

“Well, what else do you need to... ? Wait, so... you’re not thinking of Kanan?” Gojyo said, appalled.

“She’s my entire experience, Gojyo,” said Hakkai, now sounding defensive. “Who else would I think about?”

“What about...” Gojyo cast about in his mind, “ _anyone else._ What about that chick who hangs with Kougaiji? She’s hot. And she likes you.”

“Yaone-San?”

“Yeah, her.”

“That would be disrespectful, Gojyo,” Hakkai chided.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Gojyo didn’t know whether he felt more like hitting Hakkai or hugging him. So he just gave him a light punch on the arm. “She’s not gonna _know_ or anything. Hell, I bet she fantasizes about you,” he gave Hakkai his best suggestive leer. Gojyo felt a brief surge of triumph as Hakkai seemed to perk up for a moment, but it didn’t last.

“It would be nice to think so,” he sighed. “But I’m quite sure her only feelings are for Kougaiji.”

“Look,” Gojyo said, trying to sound patient. “It’s _your_ fantasy. You can make things however you want... Wait,” he said, switching tactics. “Is there anything, you know, that...” he couldn’t bring himself to say the name of Hakkai’s sister/lover again. “Something that you might have wanted to do, maybe, and She wouldn’t?”

“Well,” Hakkai considered. “She wasn’t fond of oral sex.”

“Shit. That sucks,” Gojyo winced at his own word choice. But Hakkai let it slide.

“Believe it or not, Gojyo, there are male/female relationships based on more than just sexual gratification.”

“Okay,” Gojyo skated over this patently ridiculous assertion. “Think about Yaone or... or that chick with the fruit-stand back home on Market Street, right? The blonde? You can’t feel disrespectful thinking that way about her...”

“Didn’t _you_ sleep with her, Gojyo?”

“Yeah, but what’s that got to...”

“I can’t fantasize about one of my best friend’s girlfriends.”

“Why not?” asked Gojyo, exasperated. “I don’t mind. And besides,” he grinned at his friend. “If you’re cutting out every woman I’ve been with you’re gonna run out of passable options pretty fuckin’ fast.”

“I think I’d like to go to sleep now, Gojyo,” sighed Hakkai.

“No, goddammit,” Gojyo rose and pounded his fist into his palm. “You are not sleeping until we’ve gotten you off!” Now that had sounded... odd. He glanced sheepishly at Hakkai, who chin resting on hands, was looking at him with a spectacularly amused expression on his face.

“What?” challenged Gojyo.

“Nothing,” smiled Hakkai. “It’s nice that you care.”

Surprisingly Gojyo detected no irony or sarcasm in the statement. Still, you could never be too sure with Hakkai.

“It is?” he asked. “You’re not thinking I’m some kinda perv or something?”

“No more than I did an hour ago,” Hakkai answered in his most reassuring tone.

Gojyo grinned and sat down on his own bed. Swinging his legs up and leaning back, he lit another cigarette and shut his eyes. For a few minutes the only sounds in the room were the crisp burning of cigarette paper and Gojyo’s long exhalations.

“Hakkai?”

“Yes, Gojyo.”

“You still hard?” Gojyo heard a slight rustling from the other bed.

“No.”

“I guess the problem’s solved for now then, yeah?”

“It would seem so.” Was it Gojyo’s imagination or did Hakkai sound disappointed? Gojyo had let him down. Literally. Let down Hakkai and his poor penis which had, from the sounds of things, never been sufficiently sucked. It seemed pretty unfair. He glanced over at his friend. Hakkai was back beneath his blankets, curled on his side, facing Gojyo. But his eyes were shut and Gojyo could read nothing in his expression.

He felt like an idiot. He hadn’t helped and he’d probably embarrassed the hell out of Hakkai in the process of trying. He was embarrassed himself and, to top it all off, now he had a raging erection which he couldn’t very well do anything about under the circumstances. Him jerking off... that’d just be salt in the wound, wouldn’t it? Unless... maybe it would help? Gojyo’s hand stroked down his bare chest, stopping at the top button of his now-uncomfortably-tight jeans. He flipped the buttons open one by one, as quietly as possible and slid out of his jeans. He covered himself with a single sheet and gave his cock an experimental stroke. He could sort of lead by example, maybe.

Nah. Stupid thought. How would listening to another guy going to work on himself help Hakkai? He wasn’t any more gay than Gojyo was. At least he didn’t think so. But who knew with Hakkai? He’d slept with his sister. He might... Gojyo once again smoothed his palm over his cock. Definitely still hard. It was all this talk about sex.

Maybe he should just get up, get dressed, go find a bar and get himself laid. Maybe he could bring back a chick for Hakkai, too – someone who’d finally give the poor guy a decent blow-job. Gojyo stroked a little harder, shivering slightly at the sensation. _One girl riding him, as he watched another suck off Hakkai._ His mind conjured a vivid picture, not of the girls, but of his best friend, head tilted back, eyes half-closed, lips parted. He shuddered pleasantly at the image and his cock throbbed against his chafing palm. _Hakkai bucking his hips, pushing himself deeper into the anonymous girl’s willing throat.. maybe moaning a little as he got close to coming._ “Yeah. Oh, yeah.”

“Gojyo?”

He froze and, as his hand stilled, his cock twitched in indignant protest. Becoming aware of his actual surroundings once again, his breathing struck him as unnaturally loud in the silence.

“Yeah?” he aimed for casual and missed, his voice coming out in an almost breathless whisper.

“What are _you_ thinking about?”

“Tits and stuff,” Gojyo lied.

“Describe it for me.”

Gojyo took a shaky breath. His heart was pounding. Hakkai wasn’t angry, wasn’t hurt, wasn’t even asking him to stop. The idea that maybe this _could_ help, maybe _he_ could help Hakkai after all...

Gojyo kicked off the sheet that suddenly felt too warm on his skin and resumed his actions, more slowly now, grasping his cock from the base and moving his hand upward in a smooth even stroke. He didn’t look over at Hakkai, didn’t know if he was watching, but imagined that he was. And damn, if that didn’t kick up the intensity a notch.

“Okay,” he dove ahead. “There’s this chick, right? A...” What color was her hair? Did it matter? It was probably the kind of detail Hakkai would want. “A blonde,” he decided. “and she’s straddling me, got my dick up deep inside her and she’s leaning forward, right? Pushing her tits in my face and...” There was no sound from the other bed. Had he fallen asleep? Should he have included something about the blonde’s personality? Said she was smart or something?

“Her friend,” he continued, pushing away his concerns. “Her friend’s this red-head and she’s kneeling in front of you, Hakkai.” He could see it and God, it was making him even harder. “She’s on her knees on the floor and you’re leaning against the wall. She’s got her mouth on your dick and she’s just... uhh...” Gojyo’s hips rose slightly as he rubbed his thumb over the dripping tip of his penis, spreading the viscous fluid over its throbbing head. Thrusting upward he pushed himself harder into his fist. “She’s just sucking and licking you like you’re the best thing she’s ever tasted and you’re just loving it. You’re... nggh.”

Gojyo heard a slight shifting from the other bed and... was it his imagination, or was that the slap of skin on skin? Was Hakkai watching him, or were his eyes shut as he listened to Gojyo describing the scene? “You’ve got... mmh... your hands in her hair.” He risked a glance. Hakkai was on his back, one knee bent. He was stroking a rather impressive erection... and staring at Gojyo with an intensity that was almost as unnerving as it was erotic.

“Hakkai,” Gojyo moaned, his eyes sliding shut. He heard a definite hitch in the breathing from a few feet away, the definite slap of skin on skin. He increased his own strokes, matching his pace to Hakkai’s. “You’re pushing yourself into...” he was losing coherence and knew it. He tried to focus. This wasn’t for him, after all. This was... “She’s, uhn... she’s...”

The imaginary scene was rapidly losing all importance, competing against, and losing to, the small moans and sighs coming from the neighboring bed. “She’s... fuck! _I’m_ sucking you good and hard, Hakkai. And...” Hakkai cried out in earnest and Gojyo’s entire body jerked in response. He dared another look and this time couldn’t take his eyes away. Hakkai’s eyes were shut tightly, his head thrown back, pressing into his pillow. His thighs were trembling as he thrust his hips repeatedly up and off of the bed, pushing himself into a tight, two-handed grip.

“You’re fucking me, Hakkai,” Gojyo whispered raggedly, half-wondering what the hell was going to come out of his mouth next, and half not really caring. Hakkai’s face was all amazing in the moonlight, pale and pretty and panting. “You’re fucking me,” he repeated, savoring the sound of it. “And,” Gojyo gritted his teeth and slowed his hand, trying to stave off the inevitable. “You’re making me come, Hakkai.” He wanted... oh, how he wanted. “Oh, god.. uhh. Hakkai... please, come for me.”

And then Gojyo felt like magic because, as something in him crested and broke, and spasms of hot white pleasure pulsed through his body and spots of light blurred his vision, he saw Hakkai fall into his own orgasm with a gasping shudder and, as he was coming for the first time in god knows how long, he called out Gojyo’s name.

Uneven breathing now came from both narrow beds and Gojyo, eyes shut and head still spinning, just knew he was grinning like an idiot. He kind of knew what he’d said in those last minutes and kind of knew he’d slipped up, but it still felt like a victory – a team victory – and it still felt all kinds of good in ways that went way beyond the afterglow of the best self-inflicted climax of his life.

“Gojyo?” the voice was remarkably calm.

“Yeah?” he drawled back, too relaxed to be worried about what was going to come next.

“Does this fantasy girl of yours cuddle after sex?”

“Nah,” said Gojyo, crawling out of his bed and crossing the three short feet to Hakkai’s. “But _I_ do.”

  
 **Finis.**

***

 _Thanks for reading!_


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